No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
