we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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