you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
