the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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