My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
this boner is exhausting
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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