I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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