Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
