There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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