Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
