So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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