addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
