So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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