How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sober January is a disaster.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize