i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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