Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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