He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
