Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
