Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
