Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
