and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
