You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
