Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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