we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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