gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
