the new term for farting is butt boxing.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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