Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
