Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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