I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize