i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
