so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
