Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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