I accidentally had phone sex last night
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize