How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
