when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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