Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
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