Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I am full of burrito and curiosity
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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