i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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