Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
