I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
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