She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
