i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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