i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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