so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
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