i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
