I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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