Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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