she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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