I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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