bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
