You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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