On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize