Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
