You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
