i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
