your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
they need to just BURY HIM!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
