It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
