i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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