I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I have post one night stand depression
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