omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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