i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
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