We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
