So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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