Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
