The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
