Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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