One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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