i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
