Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
