Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
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